Week 19 Saturday

In Loving Memory of the beloved grandma

Tonight a dharma sermon is performed by a highest monk in the province. The sermon is very touching by its content and the voice of the monk. It narrates a life of a mother/grandmother that touches on her children and grandchildren.

~~~

Being around by people you love during this moment helps me dealing with the loss. We support one another. Though, we expect that such a day would come, but I, personally, do not expect it would come like this. Grandma has rest peacfully. Often, my cousins and relatives remind me of this and that I should not be too sad.

Activities/Actions:
The 4th Night of the Funeral

Stat:

Course condition:

How I felt:
(the 5-point scale)

• Physically 4
• Mentally 3
• About my nutrition 4
• About my sleep 3

How hard did I work? n/a
(the 10-point scale)

Note and reflections:

Continue reading the rest...

Week 19 Friday

In Loving Memory of the beloved grandma

Lighting an incense, I focus my mind to my grandmother who is laying in the coffin in front of me. I wish for her to have no worrisome about me and the family. Grandma is resting in peace after a long life she has lived. I feels sad that she is not physically present, but I always know in my heart that she is still around.

~~~

Just a few hours of sleeping, I wake up around 2:30 a. Then, I could not go back to sleep. Many ofthe family and friends and I are sleeping at the pavillion where Grandma body is rest. While I am trying to sleep, I hear a whispering voice calling my name. At that moment, I automatically answer. In my mind, I am sure that the voice is coming from where Grandma is resting. I get up and walk near granma's body to wake a cousin who is sleeping there. He gets up and checks a gasoline lamp, which will be lit through the ceremony for giving light to the soul of the death. While he reaches to get a refill, he says that the fuel almost runs out.

~~~

Activities/Actions:

• Left Bangkok to Chanthaburi
• haircut
• The Third Night of Grandma's Funeral
• Sleep at the pavillion in front of the coffin

Stat:

Course condition:

How I felt:
(the 5-point scale)

• Physically 4
• Mentally 2
• About my nutrition 4
• About my sleep 3

How hard did I work? n/a
(the 10-point scale)

Note and reflections:

Continue reading the rest...

Week 19 Thursday

In loving memory of the beloved grandma

Activities/Actions:

• Arrived in Thailand ~ 11:30p (see the previous post).
  

Stat:

Course condition:

How I felt:
(the 5-point scale)

• Physically 4
• Mentally 1
• About my nutrition 3
• About my sleep 1

How hard did I work? n/a
(the 10-point scale)

Note and reflections:
n/a

Continue reading the rest...

Week 19 Wednesday

In Loving Memory of the beloved grandma

After got a ticket from travelocity.com, I gather my stuff for my flight and send some email messages to friends regarding the loss. P'Por will take care of my apartment and P' Lek will drop me off at O'Hare. I travel light, though my mind is filled with many crowdy stuff, which I feel very heavy. This flight differs from the flight back home I took. It is long and restless. I watch movies most of the time. I make a 4-5 hour stop and transfer at Ichoen, Korea. Finally, I arrive at Dorn Meung Airport, the laggage claim and custom are quick, which make me arrive at a cousin's home just a bit after midnight of the 1st. After talking to Ja Nuch (a cousin), I take a rest before leaving to Chanthaburi early morning.


Activities/Actions:

• On the plane back to Thailand; flight leaves 1p

Stat:

Course condition:

How I felt:
(the 5-point scale)

• Physically 4
• Mentally 1
• About my nutrition 2
• About my sleep 0

How hard did I work? n/a
(the 10-point scale)

Note and reflections:

Continue reading the rest...

In Loving Memory of the beloved grandma

In Loving Memory of the beloved grandma

A rainy and gloomy day, in addition to a little headache, leaves me staying home for the whole day. Around 6p, which is around 6a in Thailand, I call home and then find that mom is going to a hospital where my grandma stays. "I have to go now," mom says, "call us again to find out about grandma. She does not look well yesterday." Grandma was sent to the hospital yesterday because she has had a bad diarrhea. Around 8p, I call my sister, telling to go home to visit grandma since she has not gone home for such a long time. She starts crying so I yield at her not to cry because grandma will be fine. "Her symptom is not bad," I tell the sister, "from what I heard from mom." My sister tells me that she is on the way to the hospital to visit grandma, which cheers me up a bit. Then, I call my dad, and he says that "grandma just passed away." I could not bear to hear this; the word just hits me so hard. Dad hands the phone to mom and then to my brother who are there to move grandma's body to temple. After sending an email to my advisor regarding the situation, I try to find a ticket to go home the next day. I believe that my sister already learned about grandma before I called her.

This night the stream of thought to what she has been doing for me fills my mind as stream of tears fills my eyes. As a lady who lives for 91 years, she has done so much at least for me in the past 28 years of her life. I have been hoping that I would go back to stay with her as much as I can after I finish my study. To me what I have done for her is just so minute and uncomparable to what she has done for me. I actually a grandma boy who was growing up by her hands. Most of us, her grandchildren, call her "แมะย่า" or "แม่แก่," which means "grandma mother." The meaning of the word itself signifies that she is "our mother" not just a grandma, because she raises us up.

"When I am down
and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come
and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still
and wait here in the silence,
Until you come
and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up,
so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up,
to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong,
when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up:
To more than I can be.

You raise me up,
so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up,
to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong,
when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up:
To more than I can be."

You raise me up,
so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up,
to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong,
when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up:
To more than I can be.

You raise me up,
so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up,
to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong,
when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up:
To more than I can be.

(the music written by Rolf Løvland and lyrics by Brendan Graham).

Activities/Actions:

• Rest Day
• Grandma passed away around 8:30p (~ 8:30a on 8/30/2006 in Thailand)
  

Stat:

Course condition:

How I felt:
(the 5-point scale)

• Physically 5
• Mentally 1
• About my nutrition 3
• About my sleep 1

How hard did I work? n/a
(the 10-point scale)

Note and reflections:

Continue reading the rest...

Week 19 Monday

Activities/Actions:

• Rest Day

Stat:

Course condition:

How I felt:
(the 5-point scale)

• Physically 4
• Mentally 2
• About my nutrition 3
• About my sleep 2

How hard did I work? n/a
(the 10-point scale)

Note and reflections:
n/a

Continue reading the rest...

Week 18 Sunday

Activities/Actions:

• Rest Day

Stat:

Course condition:

How I felt:
(the 5-point scale)

• Physically 5
• Mentally 4
• About my nutrition 3
• About my sleep 3

How hard did I work? n/a
(the 10-point scale)

Note and reflections:
n/a

Continue reading the rest...